[Rory answers door]
RORY: Hi.
DEAN: Am I late?
RORY: Nope, right on time.
DEAN: Good.
RORY: Are you coming in?
DEAN: In a sec. Ah, where's your mom?
RORY: In the kitchen on the phone.
DEAN: Beginning, middle, or end of a conversation?
RORY: Well, it concerns jewelry so there may not be an end to the conversation.
DEAN: Good. Hi.
RORY: Hi. [they kiss]
DEAN: I missed that.
RORY: Me too.
DEAN: So, uh, ya know, this whole breaking up thing, we tried it. . .
RORY: Yeah we did. Didn't really work for me.
DEAN: Me either.
RORY: Okay good, so it's decided. Breaking up, not for us.
DEAN: I mean, hey, not that it's a bad thing. I'm sure some people like it.
[they enter into kitchen]
RORY: Oh sure, Cher, Greg Allman, bet they'd give it a big thumbs up. [To Lorelai] Did you pick out your ring?
LORELAI: Yup, he's gonna surprise me with it tomorrow.
RORY: Twenties deco?
LORELAI: Supposedly ripped right off of Zelda Fitzgerald's cold dead hand. Hey Dean.
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: When is dinner ready?
LORELAI: Do I look like a timer?
RORY: I thought you might have set one.
LORELAI: Silly rabbit.
RORY: Timers are for kids.
LORELAI: I say 10 minutes, we're there.
RORY: I'll get us set up.
DEAN: So what's the movie for tonight?
LORELAI: Oh my god, a classic.
RORY: The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story, starring. . .
LORELAI: Joan and Melissa Rivers. A mother and daughter torn apart by tragedy.
RORY: Suicide.
LORELAI: Not getting The Tonight Show.
RORY: Mean boyfriends.
LORELAI: Identical noses.
RORY: You'll laugh, you'll cry.
LORELAI: Because you're laughing so hard.
RORY: It'll be an evening to remember.
LORELAI: And in the pivotal scene where a very distraught Joan gets locked out of High Holiday Services because she's late, I will be forced to rewind it and play it over and over about four thousand times.
RORY: You'll never be the same.
[Rory leaves the kitchen]
LORELAI: So…
DEAN: So.
LORELAI: It's nice to have you back.
DEAN: Thanks, it's nice to be back.
LORELAI: We missed you.
DEAN: I missed you guys too.
LORELAI: No, I mean we really really missed you.
DEAN: You need the water bottle changed, don't you?
LORELAI: Desperately.
DEAN: Rag.
LORELAI: [hands him a towel] Thank you.
[Dean walks out the back door. Rory walks back into the kitchen.]
RORY: Where's Dean?
LORELAI: Getting water.
RORY: You're shameless.
LORELAI: He offered.
RORY: Please.
LORELAI: The first thing he said to me was 'Hey Lorelai, can I change your water?' What can I do? The kid's a freak.
[Cut to back porch. Rory walks out the back door.]
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: Hey, I'm so sorry she's got you doing chores already.
DEAN: Aw, I don't mind.
RORY: You will. She pulled out the mower this morning.
DEAN: Well if that movie is anything like you described, mowing might be a good alternative.
RORY: Hey, I wanted to ask you something.
DEAN: Yeah?
RORY: My grandparents are having this special dinner for me next week. It's nothing big, but they said I could invite someone, and I thought, you've never seen my grandparents' house and I'd really like you to meet my Grandpa. What?
DEAN: Well, ah, it's just the last time I met your Grandma was the night of the dance and you know how that turned out, so...
RORY: The dance was a long time ago. She's over it by now. I'm sure everything would be fine.
DEAN: You want me to go?
RORY: Yeah, I want you to go.
DEAN: Then I'll go.
RORY: Good.
LORELAI: [from inside house] Oh my, that coffee can is just so high up there, whatever will I do!
DEAN: Coming!
[CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE]
EMILY: Antonia, take this and put it in the dining room please. Oh, I like that tie!
RICHARD: It's rather snappy, isn't it? Oh, oh, oh.
EMILY: Richard, don't you dare get on that phone. They'll be here any second.
RICHARD: I'm not getting on the phone. I'm going to give Rory that first edition of Mencken's Chrestomathy.
[doorbell rings. Emily answers door]
EMILY: Well, hello there! Well, hello there.
RORY: Grandma, you remember Dean right?
EMILY: Yes I do, nice to see you again.
DEAN: Thanks. Uh, your house is great. It's huge. I've never seen a house this huge before.
EMILY: Well thank you. So few people bother to notice the hugeness of the house anymore.
LORELAI: Mom, it was so nice of you to tell Rory to invite a friend tonight, seeing as this is her night. That was really nice of you.
EMILY: It was my pleasure.
LORELAI: Good.
EMILY: Well, don't just stand there. We have a celebration to attend. Come in, come in.
[They walk into the living room. Emily walks over to make drinks while the others sit down.]
EMILY: So, what would everyone like to drink?
LORELAI: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer.
DEAN: What?!
LORELAI: Corona right?
DEAN: No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer is. . beer's bad.
EMILY: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor. You're very cruel.
LORELAI: Well, yes, keeps me young.
DEAN: I'm just gonna sit here and stare at my hands.
EMILY: Soda Dean?
DEAN: Please.
EMILY: Rory?
RORY: Oh, I'll have a beer. [Emily and Lorelai laugh] I'm sorry Dean, we're not laughing at you.
LORELAI: Oh wait, I think I was.
EMILY: I think I was a little too. [Richard enters] Oh Richard, there you are. Come join us.
LORELAI: Hey Dad.
RORY: Grandpa, hi. This is Dean. Dean, this is my Grandpa.
DEAN: Hi. Sorry, uh, hi. [walks over to him]
RICHARD: Hello.
DEAN: [offers to shake his hand] It's uh. . it's nice to meet. . .
RICHARD: Does everyone have drinks?
LORELAI: Uh yeah, we all have drinks. Thanks.
DEAN: [sits down, whispers to Lorelai] Should we do the beer thing again?
LORELAI: Uh, I don't think so.
[CUT TO DINING ROOM]
RORY: Grandma, I can't believe you found the recipe for Beefaroni.
EMILY: It wasn't easy. Antonia thought I'd gone insane.
LORELAI: Well . . .
EMILY: No one needs a comment from you.
LORELAI: No, I was just gonna say, what's the secret?
EMILY: Well, let's just say it's not beef.
LORELAI: Oh, okay, I'm done.
RORY: Me too.
EMILY: Dean, would you like some more?
DEAN: Uh, no. I'm fine, thanks.
EMILY: Well, then I guess it must be present time.
RORY: You didn't have to.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, Mom, you didn't have to. Unless you got something that'll fit me too, in which case, good going.
EMILY: [hands her a gift] Here you go, Rory. Congratulations, we're so proud.
RORY: Thanks Grandma. Thanks Grandpa.
EMILY: Now go on, open it.
RORY: Okay. [opens gift]
LORELAI: Oh, pens. All yours.
RORY: It's beautiful.
LORELAI: I think the top student deserved the top tools.
RORY: Thank you so much. Really.
LORELAI: Uh, uh, well, pens are very nice, but I just bet there is a fabulous fancy dessert just sitting out there in that kitchen of yours.
EMILY: As a matter of fact there is. Twinkies.
LORELAI: What?
EMILY: Well, Rory told me that was her favorite dessert.
LORELAI: Emily Gilmore, you are one classy broad.
EMILY: Antonia, please bring out the Twinkies.
LORELAI: I can't believe I just heard you say those words.
EMILY: Well, don't get used to it.
RICHARD: So, Dean, where are you planning to go to college?
DEAN: Oh, uh, well I. . .
LORELAI: Geez Dad, start off with 'what's your favorite baseball team' or something.
RICHARD: I'm talking to Dean.
DEAN: I don't know yet.
RICHARD: You don't?
DEAN: No, not yet.
RICHARD: Well, what kind of grades do you get?
EMILY: Richard please, don't grill the boy.
RICHARD: I'm not grilling the boy Emily. It's an easy question. A's, B's, C's?
DEAN: I get a mixture actually.
RICHARD: Mixture? [laughs] What's the ratio?
EMILY: Richard.
RICHARD: I'm just trying to get to know the boy Emily. After all, Rory brings home a young man to dinner, the least we can do is learn something about him.
LORELAI: He changes a mean water bottle.
DEAN: I get a couple A's, couple B's, few C's.
RICHARD: Really?
DEAN: I'm not great in math.
LORELAI: Yeah, except who is really? You know, except mathematicians or the blackjack dealers, or I guess Stephen Hawking doesn't suck, but you know… You know what else is good though Mom, is a Ho-Ho. Because if you can't find a Twinkie, you know, treat yourself to a nice Ho-Ho. How long does it take to open a box?
EMILY: She's making them.
LORELAI: She's making the Twinkies? You're kidding.
EMILY: Oh Richard, wasn't there a book you wanted to give Rory?
RICHARD: In a minute. So Dean. . .
RORY: Uh, Grandpa?
RICHARD: You do know that Rory is going to an Ivy League school?
DEAN: I know.
RICHARD: Harvard, Princeton, Yale.
LORELAI: He said he knew Dad.
RICHARD: You need top grades to get into a top school.
DEAN: Yeah, well, Rory's really smart.
RICHARD: Yeah, she is really smart.
RORY: Mom?
LORELAI: Yeah, why don't we all go sit in the uh. . .
RICHARD: So, how are you planning to make a living once you graduate from this college you haven't thought anything about yet?
RORY: Grandpa, can we talk about something else?
EMILY: I'm going to get that book. [leaves]
RICHARD: I asked you a question.
DEAN: I don't know what I want to do.
RICHARD: You know, when I was ten years old, I knew exactly where I wanted to work.
LORELAI: That's because you were always picked last for dodgeball.
RICHARD: I knew I wanted to go to Yale, and put on a nice suit everyday and be a very important man in a very powerful firm. And I knew I wanted to travel and see the world.
DEAN: Well, that's great.
RICHARD: I wanted to see La Traviata at the La Scala Operahouse. I wanted to walk the ruins of Pompeii. I wanted to travel the far east . . .
LORELAI: And be a ballerina or a fireman.
RICHARD: Lorelai, this isn't funny.
LORELAI: It's a little funny to think of a ten-year-old kid dreaming of the La Scala Operahouse.
RICHARD: Rory does. Rory wants to travel. Rory has plans.
LORELAI: Rory's special.
RICHARD: Yes. Exactly. Rory is special
DEAN: Well, I know that Rory is special.
EMILY: [returns with book] I got it.
RORY: Dean is special too, Grandpa.
DEAN: Rory.
RORY: You don't even know him.
RICHARD: I know enough.
RORY: No you don't. Dean is incredible and he's special to me and I bring him here and you attack him.
RICHARD: I will not be spoken to like that in my house.
EMILY: Richard here, give her the book.
RICHARD: This family has standards. You live up to them, and you should expect that everyone that you spend time with live up to them also. You are a gifted girl with immense promise, and you should learn very early that certain people can hold you back.
RORY: Grandpa, stop it! You cannot treat Dean this way.
RICHARD: I'm sorry, excuse me, I have to work. [leaves the table]
RORY: Grandpa! Thank you for the dinner and the gift Grandma, but I really think we should be going. [leaves]
DEAN: Thanks. Sorry. [leaves]
LORELAI: Am I crazy? That's supposed to be us right?
[CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT YARD]
LORELAI: Well, want to come in and have some dessert? You never did get your Twinkie.
DEAN: Uh, no thanks. I think I should get going.
RORY: Are you sure?
DEAN: Yeah.
LORELAI: Okay, well, Dean, all I can say is that tonight, you officially became a Gilmore Girl. Feels good, huh?
DEAN: Yeah.
LORELAI: See you later. [to Rory] Meet you inside.
RORY: I don't even know what to say.
DEAN: It's no big deal.
RORY: I had no idea…I thought he would…I am so sorry Dean.
DEAN: It's not your fault.
RORY: None of those things he said were true. None of them mean anything. I don't know what made him act that way. I just. . .
DEAN: You know what, let's just forget it. All right?
RORY: Please, don't be upset.
DEAN: I'm not.
RORY: Dean.
DEAN: I'm fine. I'm not upset. I have to go. Call you tomorrow.
RORY: Okay.